Birthdays

Today is my birthday. This is not a post to celebrate that, but a post to recall significant events that happened on or around my birthday over the years.

When I was 9 or 10, I remember being in a McDonalds on my birthday and not being able to eat what was my chosen birthday dinner (obv. not anymore!) I felt so sick and I remember thinking 'Why does this have to happen on MY BIRTHDAY!?' Which sounds like something a kid would say at that age, or a thing I would at any age.

When I was 13(?) it was nearish to my birthday when my parents separated. I think they told me on mother's day, which always falls right before my birthday, but I could be wrong and it was father's day.

By the time I turned 14, I had come to the realization that having separated parents meant double birthday celebrations.

When I turned 16, I promptly got driven to the DMV to write my G1 driver's test, which I then promtly failed. I rewrote it a few days later with more success. (8 months later I double failed my G2 test before passing. My G test I passed in one shot, so please don't be scared if you ever have to be in a car with me...it's that one that counts the most.)

When I turned 18 I was just writing my final high school exams. Back then school was 5 years if you paced yourself and took OAC courses to go to university. I didn't pace myself and went to college instead, saving myself a year of school. Now, apparently, you can finish up in three and a half if you really work hard. How can you possibly be ready for the thing that propels you towards your life-long career at 17? But I digress.

When I turned 19, I had moved to Toronto and was attending Trebas Institute of Recording Arts. I didn't know a lot of people in the city yet, as I was a fairly new resident and spent all day in school or the studio, mostly. My dad and sister took me out to a local bar for my first legal drink. The server didn't ask for my ID at all and when they forced him to ask it all felt very anti-climactic.

When I exited my teens, I was in the midst of my Trip to Baltimore/D.C.

On my 21st birthday, I thought I should give another shot at the 'turning legal' thing. I flew down to New York, then Colorado to celebrate being able to buy booze in all parts of North America.

This is making me sound like a real drinker, which I'm not and I don't even think I ever was.

I got married just a couple of weeks after my 24th birthday, so that year it was mostly consumed by that and the ensuing honeymoon.

Last year I got the best birthday present ever a month early when my daughter was born.

That brings me up to this year, where I plan to sleep for the bulk of the day and spend a nice quiet evening with family.

Like Benjamin Button, But in Reverse

I have noticed lately that as I age in years, I am aging inversely in maturity. It would seem that in many ways I am more a kid now (and in others the same amount of kid-ness...luckily, in some areas I've grown up).

As a child I always wanted to grow up much faster than nature intended. I had no interest in being a kid, I was ready to be an adult. I partially attribute this to the fact that my parents were always having fun. They had people over all the time for visits or parties and my dad was always travelling for work, which I am sure was much less interesting than I imagined. The other part is just who I am, everything goes directly from 0-100. My dad says that when I was a kid, when I stood up, I started running immediately; that I wanted to go from breast milk right to foie gras. It's not like I wasn't interested in kids things; I loved Lego and puzzles and collecting cards and playing with friends and water balloon fights. I just wanted to be a grown up. I often related to them better and I looked forward to all of the joys I thought adulthood would bring.

One day when I was about 3 years old, my parents were painting a room and I very much wanted to help. The conversation went something like this:

Me: "Hey can I help you paint?"
Mom: "I think we're okay sweetheart."
Me: "But I really want to help!"
Dad: "Not this time around, son."

(Five or so minutes later)

Me: "Can I help paint?"
Mom: "We talked about this already."
Me: "I WANNA PAINT!"
Dad(irritated by this point): "WE SAID NO!"
Me: "LET ME PAINT!!!!!!!"
Both Parents: "NOOOO!!!"

(I go into the hall and put some serious thought into it before putting my hand in my pockets and strolling back in)

Me: "Say, wasn't I going to paint that wall?"

My parents wanted to be really angry with me, but apparently they were laughing too hard. I still didn't get to paint the wall, though.

When I was younger, I never really had that sense of invincibility that kids seem to have. Possibly because of this:


(I love how it says 'Toby is the son of Steve Milton, writer for the Blue Jays' like that would make people pay more attention or something)

I was always a little timid about the bigger, faster rides, the higher diving board and other such things. I would still do them, but I certainly was not the first one in line, nor was I running into them full steam like you see some kids do. Then one day, like a lightswitch, I realized that I was in fact indestructible! "Hey I didn't die when I hit my skull, Nothing can kill me!" This lead to a streak of trampoline jumping from the roof, the biggest rides, cliff diving from whatever rocks I could find, tattoos, para-sailing and eventually, skydiving. I thought it would maybe wear off, but skydiving was only a couple years ago and I was cliff jumping this weekend. Also, I am still aching to go bungee jumping. Perhaps one day I will break my leg, or hopefully, just realize I am too old for such things. With some luck,
that realization will happen before the being too old and therefore leg-breaking does.


(I didn't have health insurance coverage on either of these jumps....though it wouldn't have helped if something went wrong skydiving)

Some things never change, though.

I was eating a toasted bagel with peanut butter and banana the other day and as I went to wipe all the peanut butter off my face afterward, I was reminded of a trip I took to an apple picking place when I was a kid.

We used to go as a family to pick apples in the fall, usually on Thanksgiving Monday. On this one particular time, one of my friends was with us, and one of my parents had offered to buy us something from the bakery. We asked if we could have something cake-y and the thing they had was a brownie. But this was no ordinary brownie, it was a super-size brownie.



I looked at the brownie trying to figure out how I could possibly attack it without getting it everywhere. I thought maybe from the corner, but no. I tried breaking off a piece, but it just got my hands all messy.



Eventually I just forged ahead and chowed it down the way that any child would. Why would they make a brownie that large? Kids are the only ones who would possibly buy such an item and they'll only ever end up looking like this:



This is not a huge issue for kids, as I am sure you have seen many kids walking around with crap on their face from similar endeavours. However, every day as a 27 year old, I eat a Toasted bagel with peanut butter and banana and it leads to a similar situation.



I look at the bagel, looking for the point with the least amount of peanut butter and then I try out a bite. Sometimes I get a few bites in before it happens, but I always end up with it on my face. On a good day, it'll be only on the corners of my mouth, but on a bad day, when those bananas really push that melty peanut butter into globs, it's more like this:



You'll notice the lack of smile in this one, because I'm an adult now, so I should be sad about making such a mess. It happens with other foods, too, but nothing as bad or as often as this.

Luckily I have the presence of mind to get quickly to the washroom and wash off the mess, but sometimes there's a customer at the counter that needs help and I can't quite bring myself to say "Hold on one second I have peanut butter all over my face like a little kid."


P.S. I know that Benjamin Button in reverse is just regular time, it's something I read on lamebook.