Friday, August 24, 2018


Retirement. It's a thing I think of every once in a while. However, it feels far away, and if I'm honest with myself, it's something that may never truly happen for me. I'm not excellent with money, and as previously mentioned, I don't think about it all that often. I feel like people that comfortably retire keep a close eye on their retirement fund, whereas I just let my work take care of it and as far as I know, they just put it all on red at the casino.

I read recently that 1 in 6 millennials have $100000 saved. I am POSITIVE that I don't know that many people with that much money saved. It also said that by 35 you should have double your salary saved, and again, that isn't where I'm at.

What is it that has me thinking about retirement now, you may ask. Today would have been my mother's 65th birthday. My dad, still with us, is 70 this year and still not retired. I imagine my mom wouldn't have been either. Perhaps a 'soft retirement' where she continues to make an income or something of that nature. Or who knows. It's been 12 years, nearly, since she passed and anything could have happened in that time to change the circumstances. And I was only 23 when she passed, so I might not have had the best grasp on where she was financially, but I think I have a pretty good idea.

Of course, it's not just the retirement that's been on my mind. This day, and the day she passed, always bring an increasingly hazy mix of memories and general malaise. It's a numb feeling and one that creates a discord in my brain as I sometimes can't feel anything and think that I should be. Sometimes, it's a day of deep feeling and a huge flood of memories as if I were with her just yesterday. I wish there were a way for me to funnel those things or control them in any way, or at the very least understand them. Until the possible day comes where I might understand that, I will be here, the waves passing over me with whatever they may bring, hoping to live healthily to a day I may retire myself.

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